Week 1- Day 2
Once Buddha and his disciple Ananda were going on their way. Buddha requested Ananda to get him some water from a nearby river as he was feeling thirsty. A bullock cart had just passed from there and so the water had become dirty. Ananda tells to Buddha that the water is dirty and undrinkable and that they should wait until they find a stream that is cleaner. After 15 minutes Buddha asks Ananda to get water from the same river. Ananda is then astonished to discover the water he pulls from the river is clean and clear.
Ananda asked Buddha the reason. Buddha replied," The water had become dirty for sometime but after sometime the water cleared up and became clean".
Similarly in life, our relations might get disturbed for sometime, however, we have to wait for the disputes to settle down. Maintaining Relations, now-a-days have become painful.
“The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.”
To become beloved of God, we have to first become people friendly. To become people friendly, we have to first become friendly in our family.
There are four things that can destroy relations and that can cause PAIN in relations:
P - Patience (Less)
A - Attitude (Wrong)
I - Independent (More)
N - Nature (Bad)
1. Less Patience:
"Patience is not the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting"
To maintain relations, we need to have a lot of patience. We have to wait. There is lot of stress and depression in relations and may be it might not work as we wish, however, if we have patience, things might change.
"You can never step twice in the same river"
Like the water that is different every time we step into the river, we are also different from yesterday. We are not the same. We might be wrong if we make decisions based on what happened once. A person can always change. After every Autumn comes Winter. A tree becomes dry and sheds all its leaves in Autumn, but the gardener does not cut the tree off. He waits until it is Winter when the tree is again full of green leaves.
After every sunset, there is a sunrise. After every red signal, there is a green signal. When Nature can have such patience, why can't we?
"Assumptions are the termites of relationships"
A cardiogram graph always goes up and down. If it becomes a straight line, it means danger. Similarly in relations, there will definitely be ups and downs, but we have to wait. The more the patience, the more the strength. In case, we wait and the other person does not change, then at least there will be a satisfaction that we tried to maintain the relation. Less patience is like acid in a relationship.
Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue, a wonderful living side by side can grow, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole against the sky.
Due to lack of patience, today, parents are in old age homes and there are so many divorce cases between couples.
A 26 year old boy was once sending his father to the old age home. The father agreed but just before leaving, there were tears in his eyes. The son asked the reason why he was crying. The father replied, " Son, if I had put you in an orphanage when you were a kid, today this situation would not have come where I am forced to go to the old age home". The son had no patience with his father and hence such a situation happened.
There are examples of very good relationships as well.
A mother-in-law used to always nag and scold her daughter-in-law. But the daughter-in-law never used to say anything. She quietly used do her work. The mother-in-law was surprised and finally one day she asked her daughter-in-law the reason she never used to back answer. The daughter-in-law replied, " Mother, it must be for my good that you are scolding me. And everyday I pray to God to give me so much patience to listen and bear what ever you say".
A Joke: Once a man asked his friend if he has seen the new machine(Lie Detector) that detects a lie and catches you if you lie. The man replied, " I am married to such a machine".
"By doing nothing, everything is done"
Dirt in a bucket of water will settle down and we can get clear water if nothing is done to it, but if we try to shake it, we will only get dirty water. Advanced technology has attacked first on Patience.
A true story to show the lack of patience in today's generation:
An 18 year old boy had ordered for a juice in a restaurant. The waiter did not bring the juice. He waited for 10 - 15 minutes. Finally he lost his patience, went straight into the kitchen of the restaurant and killed the waiter!
So, are we ready to wait and mend our relations rather than break them? Whenever someone criticizes us, we should never reach immediately. We have to wait, think and then answer the person. By doing so our relations can be saved.
2. Wrong Attitude:
Having a wrong attitude means having a negative attitude. We feel," I can never be wrong". We always point out at the other person. Wrong attitude can never work in relations. We need to have a positive approach. If a person drowns in the middle of the ocean, we cannot do anything, but we are astonished if we realize that the water level was not very high where the person drowned. So is the case in relationships. For trifle reasons, relationships end.
There was a boy, who was good in character and used to respect God and elders but he was not ready to speak to his father. One day Gurudev asked him the reason why he would not speak to his father. He replied," I wanted to become an engineer but I father made me a Charted Accountant and so I will never talk to him for the rest of my life".
The boy had such a wrong attitude towards his father who had done everything for him. So are we victim to wrong attitude?
Today nobody wants to stay in a joint family. If we want to stay in a joint family there will be three side effects:
1. There will be injustice.
2. we will be insulted.
3. We will be neglected.
But we have to accept these to stay together. Lot of things happen in a relationship, but we have to know how to deal with all of these situations in life. First we have to know how to use our tongue as words once said can never be taken back
"It is easy to forget if someone hits us with a stone but very difficult to forget if someone hits us with words".
If someone makes a mistake scold them for their current mistake but don't remember the old one's. And one last thing, when someone hurts us, we would feel like asking, " Do you know about the sacrifices I have made to maintain a good relation with you?" But instead ask the other person, " What are the sacrifices you have made to maintain a good relation with me?" Then see the difference! Thank You would seem a very small word in front of the sacrifices the other person made for us.
3. More Independent:
Children today are given too much of freedom by their families and society. Too much of freedom has in turn made the children rude towards their parents. It is not a question of freedom but too much of freedom that has spoil't the young generation.. Even in cricket, a player has his boundaries where he can run on the ground. Even in Olympics, there are boundaries. So even we need boundaries in life. There has to be a limit to everything. There is no limit to wine, rave parties, pornography and blue films. After marriage, girls want to work and don't want to be at home. They don't want to work in the same office as their husband. A daughter-in-law orders her mother-in-law to prepare her breakfast in the morning. Is this our culture?
Parents give all the freedom to their children thinking that they did not get enough freedom in their childhood.
Children don't even want their parents to ask to whom are they talking to over the phone.
Democracy does not mean freedom that would spoil us.
A 15 year old boy once demanded his father for a car worth four lakhs. The next day the father took him to the bank and said, " I have deposited the money in the bank. The day you can earn to buy petrol for yourself, I will get you the car". Children should not be given this free will of spending money the way they want.
We are not against Freedom, but against More Freedom!
4. Bad Nature:
If our family members want us to be around most of the time, then we have to understand that our nature is good. The kind of nature we have will decide the kind of relationships we will have.
There was a man who had five sons and five daughter-in-laws. If anytime, even one of the daughter-in-law wanted to go their mother's house, the man would immediately send them. The daughter-in-laws used to return within 2 or 3 days because they did not like to be without their father-in-law! Do we get to see such a relationship anywhere?
Lets change our nature, forget Ego and ask for forgiveness to those whom we have hurt. We need to become beloved between our family members, then among people and then we can become beloved to God.
Once Buddha and his disciple Ananda were going on their way. Buddha requested Ananda to get him some water from a nearby river as he was feeling thirsty. A bullock cart had just passed from there and so the water had become dirty. Ananda tells to Buddha that the water is dirty and undrinkable and that they should wait until they find a stream that is cleaner. After 15 minutes Buddha asks Ananda to get water from the same river. Ananda is then astonished to discover the water he pulls from the river is clean and clear.
Ananda asked Buddha the reason. Buddha replied," The water had become dirty for sometime but after sometime the water cleared up and became clean".
Similarly in life, our relations might get disturbed for sometime, however, we have to wait for the disputes to settle down. Maintaining Relations, now-a-days have become painful.
“The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.”
To become beloved of God, we have to first become people friendly. To become people friendly, we have to first become friendly in our family.
There are four things that can destroy relations and that can cause PAIN in relations:
P - Patience (Less)
A - Attitude (Wrong)
I - Independent (More)
N - Nature (Bad)
1. Less Patience:
"Patience is not the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting"
To maintain relations, we need to have a lot of patience. We have to wait. There is lot of stress and depression in relations and may be it might not work as we wish, however, if we have patience, things might change.
"You can never step twice in the same river"
Like the water that is different every time we step into the river, we are also different from yesterday. We are not the same. We might be wrong if we make decisions based on what happened once. A person can always change. After every Autumn comes Winter. A tree becomes dry and sheds all its leaves in Autumn, but the gardener does not cut the tree off. He waits until it is Winter when the tree is again full of green leaves.
After every sunset, there is a sunrise. After every red signal, there is a green signal. When Nature can have such patience, why can't we?
"Assumptions are the termites of relationships"
A cardiogram graph always goes up and down. If it becomes a straight line, it means danger. Similarly in relations, there will definitely be ups and downs, but we have to wait. The more the patience, the more the strength. In case, we wait and the other person does not change, then at least there will be a satisfaction that we tried to maintain the relation. Less patience is like acid in a relationship.
Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue, a wonderful living side by side can grow, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole against the sky.
Due to lack of patience, today, parents are in old age homes and there are so many divorce cases between couples.
A 26 year old boy was once sending his father to the old age home. The father agreed but just before leaving, there were tears in his eyes. The son asked the reason why he was crying. The father replied, " Son, if I had put you in an orphanage when you were a kid, today this situation would not have come where I am forced to go to the old age home". The son had no patience with his father and hence such a situation happened.
There are examples of very good relationships as well.
A mother-in-law used to always nag and scold her daughter-in-law. But the daughter-in-law never used to say anything. She quietly used do her work. The mother-in-law was surprised and finally one day she asked her daughter-in-law the reason she never used to back answer. The daughter-in-law replied, " Mother, it must be for my good that you are scolding me. And everyday I pray to God to give me so much patience to listen and bear what ever you say".
A Joke: Once a man asked his friend if he has seen the new machine(Lie Detector) that detects a lie and catches you if you lie. The man replied, " I am married to such a machine".
"By doing nothing, everything is done"
Dirt in a bucket of water will settle down and we can get clear water if nothing is done to it, but if we try to shake it, we will only get dirty water. Advanced technology has attacked first on Patience.
A true story to show the lack of patience in today's generation:
An 18 year old boy had ordered for a juice in a restaurant. The waiter did not bring the juice. He waited for 10 - 15 minutes. Finally he lost his patience, went straight into the kitchen of the restaurant and killed the waiter!
So, are we ready to wait and mend our relations rather than break them? Whenever someone criticizes us, we should never reach immediately. We have to wait, think and then answer the person. By doing so our relations can be saved.
2. Wrong Attitude:
“Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.”
Having a wrong attitude means having a negative attitude. We feel," I can never be wrong". We always point out at the other person. Wrong attitude can never work in relations. We need to have a positive approach. If a person drowns in the middle of the ocean, we cannot do anything, but we are astonished if we realize that the water level was not very high where the person drowned. So is the case in relationships. For trifle reasons, relationships end.
There was a boy, who was good in character and used to respect God and elders but he was not ready to speak to his father. One day Gurudev asked him the reason why he would not speak to his father. He replied," I wanted to become an engineer but I father made me a Charted Accountant and so I will never talk to him for the rest of my life".
The boy had such a wrong attitude towards his father who had done everything for him. So are we victim to wrong attitude?
Today nobody wants to stay in a joint family. If we want to stay in a joint family there will be three side effects:
1. There will be injustice.
2. we will be insulted.
3. We will be neglected.
But we have to accept these to stay together. Lot of things happen in a relationship, but we have to know how to deal with all of these situations in life. First we have to know how to use our tongue as words once said can never be taken back
"It is easy to forget if someone hits us with a stone but very difficult to forget if someone hits us with words".
If someone makes a mistake scold them for their current mistake but don't remember the old one's. And one last thing, when someone hurts us, we would feel like asking, " Do you know about the sacrifices I have made to maintain a good relation with you?" But instead ask the other person, " What are the sacrifices you have made to maintain a good relation with me?" Then see the difference! Thank You would seem a very small word in front of the sacrifices the other person made for us.
3. More Independent:
Children today are given too much of freedom by their families and society. Too much of freedom has in turn made the children rude towards their parents. It is not a question of freedom but too much of freedom that has spoil't the young generation.. Even in cricket, a player has his boundaries where he can run on the ground. Even in Olympics, there are boundaries. So even we need boundaries in life. There has to be a limit to everything. There is no limit to wine, rave parties, pornography and blue films. After marriage, girls want to work and don't want to be at home. They don't want to work in the same office as their husband. A daughter-in-law orders her mother-in-law to prepare her breakfast in the morning. Is this our culture?
Parents give all the freedom to their children thinking that they did not get enough freedom in their childhood.
Children don't even want their parents to ask to whom are they talking to over the phone.
Democracy does not mean freedom that would spoil us.
A 15 year old boy once demanded his father for a car worth four lakhs. The next day the father took him to the bank and said, " I have deposited the money in the bank. The day you can earn to buy petrol for yourself, I will get you the car". Children should not be given this free will of spending money the way they want.
We are not against Freedom, but against More Freedom!
4. Bad Nature:
“Man can alter his life by altering his thinking.”
If our family members want us to be around most of the time, then we have to understand that our nature is good. The kind of nature we have will decide the kind of relationships we will have.
There was a man who had five sons and five daughter-in-laws. If anytime, even one of the daughter-in-law wanted to go their mother's house, the man would immediately send them. The daughter-in-laws used to return within 2 or 3 days because they did not like to be without their father-in-law! Do we get to see such a relationship anywhere?
Lets change our nature, forget Ego and ask for forgiveness to those whom we have hurt. We need to become beloved between our family members, then among people and then we can become beloved to God.
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